Today is Friday, 29th May. It has been an incredibly hot day; the temperature has slowly been creeping up to 20 degrees Celsius. I always run on Fridays, usually in a sports bra and shorts to combat the sweltering heat. I never think twice about this decision and, in theory, I shouldn't have to. But now, after today, I am re-evaluating what my body means to myself and to others. I am re-evaluating the misled belief that we live in a society of equals.
On days like this, when spring gradually transitions into summer and the sun seems to burn brighter, It's easy to take a quick break on a run or slow down your pace. Fancying one of these well-needed breaks (as well as a change in music), I slowed down to walking pace and looked down at my phone, ready to dive into what can only be described as my extremely overwhelming Spotify library. This activity was disturbed, however, by a deliberate and piercing beep from a passing van. Although it was hard to see past the reflections on the front screen, there seemed to be two, fairly young men in the van, looking right in my direction whilst offering me some kind of hand gesture. Embracing a sudden impulse to show-off my female strength, I gave them both the middle finger, sighed and carried on.
But I couldn't quite 'carry on'. What was probably a very brief moment for these two men - a moment which brought them short-term pleasure before moving onto their next innocent, female victim - came to occupy much of my headspace for the rest of my run. But 'run' isn't even the right word to use here either. I felt so disturbed by and uncomfortable from the experience that I didn't want to keep on running. I didn't want people to see me in my sports bra. This incident, the result of my decision to expose my body partially, had equally exposed my true thoughts and feelings on the subject matter.
Should I call my mum to pick me up? Should I wear a shirt next time? Will everyone else here look at me in the same way those men did, mentally undressing and sexualising a body which I most certainly own and control? In a matter of minutes, my mind had endured several phases of contemplation. My initial frustration and annoyance had transformed into guilt and shame. Despite the searing weather and a cloudless sky, I felt guilty for having thought that I could go on a run in just a sports bra. It's for reasons like this that women are so frequently labelled as 'whores' and 'sluts'. And I suddenly felt like I belonged to this insulting cluster of expressions.
Is this okay? Is this what I am entitled to experience in 2020 - supposedly a 'modern' and 'progressive' society? Is this what our sisters and daughters are entitled to experience? Is it okay that I was made to feel guilty and shameful for such an innocent act? No. No. No. No. This is not okay. We should be talking about this. Why are we not talking about this? I - a passionate advocate for equal rights - should not be in a position where I so easily succumb to male voyeurism. I should not be in a position where my strong and secured sense of self can be so easily shattered by the single beep of a car horn. As my wonderful friend Lily put it once she texted me after the incident, 'this is how and why they have power over us. This is why feminism is a thing and needs to be a thing.'
I can already hear the wave of backlash approaching. Boys will be boys. Everyone has urges. You're not helping yourself, are you? You need to cover up more. Why are you still complaining? If anything it was a compliment. Don't reveal your body if you don't want people to look at it. It's not like you were sexually assaulted. It's disgusting to expose yourself in such a way.
This way of thinking is toxic. It is exactly this kind of mindset that encourages the acceptance of the status quo and the belief that nothing can be improved. It is the same narrative we are fed by those who tell young girls not to stay out too late or not to walk home alone. It is the same narrative we are fed by those who refuse to believe in equality, those who believe the illusion that we already live in a world of equality.
I would personally define this as a very mild form of sexual assault. I am very fortunate that this is about as bad as my experiences get; I have never been physically assaulted, nor have I ever been the victim of domestic abuse. There was no unwanted sexual contact involved, but the incident was based upon a belief in male entitlement to the female body. It was based upon the belief that it is perfectly acceptable for men to feed off the sexual pleasure they gain from young girls or women. It left me feeling unsafe to walk around a relatively safe area in broad daylight. It was based upon the common practice of female sexualisation and objectification, which essentially forces a woman to believe that she lacks control over her body and the way it is perceived by others.
Big surprise... I have breasts! Glad that secret's finally out there! Who would have thought, huh? Believe it or not, but most women actually have breasts... you know... the whole 'puberty' thing? Women have breasts just as they have skin, arms, legs and shoulders. Breasts started out as just another part of the body, but through centuries of deep-rooted attitudes based upon female inferiority and male entitlement to female 'property', breasts are now viewed through a desirable and sexualised lens. Maybe a woman decides to go on a run because she's trying to improve her fitness, not because she's looking for unwanted male attention. Yet, this 'attention' I speak of is often inescapable. It is a social 'norm'.
But we don't want this attention. It's not flattering. It's disgusting. Stop it.
I am writing this very impromptu article in the wake of racial protests in the United States -the result of the unjust and racially-motivated murder of George Floyd. This was not a simple case of flawed US policing practices. This was a racial issue. My own experience today has only stood to remind me of the extent to which social inequalities have ingrained our society, its institutions and our own way of thinking. Gender and racial inequality are both built upon the belief that, in a situation with two parties, one party should be viewed on a superior level, which, in turn, severely affects the power dynamics in society. Shifting dynamics such as these lead to a change in behaviour and treatment towards the so-called 'inferior party', whose inability to overcome this inferiority ultimately renders any attempt at liberation hopeless.
But it doesn't have to be this way, and when both parties come together through a sense of understanding and empathy, absolutely anything can change. When an African-American protests for their own rights, their influence is limited, because cooperation from both parties is required. When a white American speaks up for the African-American, protests for the African-American, listens to and connects with the stories of mistreated African-Americans, things really begin to change on a more fundamental basis.
So, using this principle, when men and women alike educate themselves on gender inequality, consciously recognise and call out gender mistreatment in society and band together to wake up the rest of society from this dream of so-called 'social parity', then anything is possible. Anything.
Please not that I am not trying to compare my comparatively minor experience of being catcalled to the tragic and unjust death of George Floyd. These two experiences deserve to be understood and appreciated in their own separate lights, and I understand that, as a white woman, my entitlement to white privilege makes my life far more bearable than the lives of most people of colour. I simply decided to compare the two events because of their shared roots. Both events can be understood through an even deeper understanding of social inequality and, most importantly, through an understanding of the discrimination and racism that is ingrained in the institutions and services that we rely on every single day.
So, I think I've said my piece and I hope you took something away from it. I hope we all realise that nothing will change if we stay silent. After all, your beliefs are not strong enough if they remain beliefs. Beliefs must be turned into words and actions. Silence must be turned into passionate protest and resounding uproar.